There’s a version of me that used to chase people.
Not in a desperate way. Not in a dramatic movie scene kind of way. But in the quiet way. The overthinking way. The checking my phone way. The replaying conversations way. The proving myself way.
And if I’m honest, it wasn’t really about them.
It was about validation.
When you chase people, you’re chasing confirmation.
Confirmation that you’re wanted.
That you’re enough.
That you matter.
But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way.
Chasing people shrinks you.
Chasing growth expands you.
When you chase someone, your energy bends toward them. You adjust your pace. You soften your standards. You wait. You wonder. You pause your own forward motion hoping they’ll catch up or look back.
Growth doesn’t wait.
Growth wakes up early.
Growth studies when it’s tired.
Growth builds when no one is watching.
Growth goes to therapy.
Growth opens the terminal even when it’s scary.
Growth ships the app even when it isn’t perfect.
Chasing people is reactive.
Chasing growth is intentional.
One depends on someone else’s decision.
The other depends on yours.
And here’s the part nobody talks about.
When you stop chasing people, two things happen:
The wrong ones fall away.
The right ones feel the shift.
There’s something powerful about being grounded. Not cold. Not closed off. Just steady.
You don’t beg.
You don’t force.
You don’t compete for attention.
You build.
You improve.
You become.
The irony is that when you chase growth, you become more attractive to the right people anyway. Not because you’re performing. But because you’re aligned.
Aligned people do not chase. They choose.
Growth teaches patience.
Chasing teaches anxiety.
Growth builds confidence.
Chasing builds insecurity.
Growth makes you fulfilled even if no one is clapping.
Chasing leaves you empty even when someone texts back.
I had to learn that my time, my energy, my focus are finite resources. Every ounce spent chasing someone who is unsure is an ounce not invested in becoming undeniable.
And undeniable does not mean famous.
It means grounded.
It means self aware.
It means knowing you are building a life you would be proud of whether someone stays or leaves.
There’s peace in that.
There’s power in that.
And here’s the real shift:
When you chase growth, you stop asking,
“Why aren’t they choosing me?”
And you start asking,
“Am I choosing the version of myself I’m capable of becoming?”
That question changes everything.
Because growth compounds.
It shows up in your discipline.
In your health.
In your business.
In your fatherhood.
In your friendships.
And one day you look up and realize you’re no longer trying to convince anyone to see your value.
You’ve built it.
If someone wants to walk beside you, they can.
But you are not stopping your forward motion anymore.
Not for confusion.
Not for maybe.
Not for almost.
Chasing people is exhausting.
Chasing growth is liberating.
And once you taste that difference, you never go back.
“The moment you stop chasing people is the moment you start becoming someone worth walking beside.”-me